Perfectly Happy, Coaching for Mums

Bad Day/Good Day by Josie George, Sleep is for the Weak

A little while ago I read this post and as always Josie managed to brilliantly put into words what all mothers experience in their daily life. Being a mother is a life of ups and downs and I simply wanted to share this post with you. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did... Thanks Josie!

Bad Day

I open my eyes. Damn it, it is early. Too early. I stagger, bleary eyed down the landing, the need for more sleep so overwhelming that I want to cry. I know I will feel tired all day. He sits there, the complaints already on his lips, the shouts and screams and protestations forming like a queue at the back of his tongue, ready to roll off in endless thick torrents the whole day long. Ready to drown me.

He wants to TV on. I am too tired to argue. And so begins the battle of figuring out the endless demands, all met with a firm and angry NO! Pulled and pinched, punched and prodded. Go away mummy. But then needed, oh god needed so much. Come here mummy. Come here NOW. Look at this. Read my mind mummy.

Resentment. Guilt. Inadequacy. A dull anger that sits in my stomach.

Please read the rest at Sleep is for the Weak

Stress Management for mums...

That’s a really big thing for parents isn’t it? Take right now for example, my heart is palpitating, I am getting very short tempered and my body is overheating. This is me stressed out!

It shouldn’t be like this. I am sitting in the garden and the sun is shining but I have tons to do. This is the problem; I have far too much to do and so little time to do it.

Amongst other things I have a newsletter to send out and for some reasons I am not happy with it. When is it time to give up on the idea that it will be exactly how I want it to be and accept that it will be just good enough?

I am trying to think about what is going wrong with it and waiting for that light bulb moment to give me a clue, but right now I have 2 children hitting each other with tennis rackets and I know one of them will come running to me crying in just half a second... so my thoughts are racing: newsletter, children hitting each other, children hitting each other, newsletter... My brain has come to boiling point...

Frustration is one of the biggest stress trigger for mothers. Think about it, you are stressed because something is not going quite as you would like it to be in your life. It can be the housework mounting enormously when you are busy with other duties, it can be people picking on all your resources at the same time, it could be that you are saying “yes” a stupid amount of times and now what? You are wondering why you have done this and how you are going to cope with it all! IF you are going to cope with it all! And while you are wondering this, the list gets bigger! You see? FRUSTRATION all along!

Let’s try to prevent it before the frustration happens:

1. Learn to say “no”. You see easy, “NO” I have just said it. Now let’s practice on the one with the puppy dog eyes who is begging you ... not that easy... How about offering realistic alternatives? How about simply accept that you can’t please everyone, so start with pleasing yourself for goodness sakes!

2. Plan, plan, PLAN! Very important the plan! Without the plan you sink under unimportant stuff and guess what, you forget about the very important ones. Practice the urgent/important matrix. Make list of what you need to do and give each a priority number as below.

	Important	Not Important
Urgent	1- Absolute Priority	2- Move on to this
Not Urgent	3- Now it is a good time for this one	4- Do you really need to do it?

3. Also practice the “perfection DOES NOT exist” mantra. Repeat it over and over again! Perfection is a myth, “good enough” is the reality!

4. Finally know the signs your body is sending you to communicate with you. Mine tells me “Feel the heat woman!!” that’s when I know that something bad can happen if I don’t take time to breathe and do something enjoyable.

Remember that in the long run stress can break you. Stress is a major cause for health problems such as heart attacks, unhealthy high or low blood pressure and other diseases like cancer.

A little bit of stress is healthy to achieve what you want to. Too much stress can ruin your life and your relationships with others especially your loved ones. So make the decision to stop when you know it is necessary and if you can't stop, slow down. Make choices, not everything needs you to worry about it!

Photo Credit Brittney Bush

Age is just a number...

I love May because I was born in May and to me this is a month of new sunny days (errmm maybe not this year), Birthday Chocolate Cake baked by my mum and special attention!

And as a matter of fact Friday was my birthday and I love birthdays.

Not just mine but the ones of my family and friends too. Isn’t it the best time of the year for someone to feel really special? It is not just a matter of cards, cakes and presents, it is the special occasion you get, reminding you you are loved.

I don’t mind the passing years, they don’t scare me. The only time I find them scary is when I see people I love fading away because of the number of years they have already lived.

I don’t mind age either. My life is what I make of it now, regardless of my age. 

I am grateful for the years I am living and if I am totally honest most of the time I don’t even remember my exact age. It seems that in my head 28 is the magic number because whenever someone asks how old I am my instant reaction is "28!" The reality is that I am slightly over 28... OK if you insist, I am 35 now.

I hate hearing people saying things like : “that’s not my age anymore” or “I am too old for this”. Who has the right to say what number determines certain abilities? If you start learning piano in your forties or take a degree or start ballet lessons in your fifties or even later, can anyone judge you for that?

Age is just a number.

Age isn't YOU and it certainly shouldn’t stop you from living your life the way you want to. 

Here is a tip, tell yourself you are young enough to achieve anything you want to and your body will believe it without ever doubting it. And that works the other way round too...

So how young do you want to be? 

3 minutes to kill stress

I love meditation and I am planning a post on the benefit of meditation soon but yesterday I had one of those days that leaves you drained and soul-less. You know glaring eyes, mad hair and not even remembering where you live... 

When the "Change of the guard" started, ie when Craig came back from work and took over the snotty pygmies, I disappeared upstairs for a well needed meditation. I was looking for a new guided meditation online and stumbled upon this video from the blog of Meditainment. 

Have a try, it is pretty good! You will obtain best results with earphones and video played on full screen.

The power of family weekend with no plans

This weekend was the first weekend in blooming ages that we had nothing to do and that we were all under the same roof for two whole days. Yes, hear me well! WE as a family had no birthday party to attend, no shopping to do, no family to visit and no friends to entertain. I didn’t even have any cleaning to do because I had it all done by Friday. Yes, I too am amazed at my level of efficiency!

So anyway it all hit home on Friday evening when we realised that “hang on a minute, we have NOTHING planned for the weekend!”.

Our first reaction was shock!

But then it was relief… We made no plans apart from the one to have long lie ins (not simultaneously obviously) and to take the time as it comes.

And we did really take it as it came. We spent 2 days sharing our meals, not rushing, doing some DIY that was desperately needed, going for walks and play in the park.

At the end of the weekend we were happy and relaxed. We managed to spend time TOGETHER, not all in the same house busy doing different things or in the company of other people, but really together.

Because we all live in a society that never stops, that is so fast paced all the time, it is only when we stop that we realise the importance of it. We tend to believe that we will have a break when we go on holiday and we forget that weekends are not only for cleaning, shopping, entertaining or being entertained. Weekends are also a time to rest, share calm moments together and be present in the now. Your own sanity and happiness depends on you being able to stop and breathe regularly.

Being able to switch off and be totally available for each other is a gift. It doesn’t cost any money, it only takes time. I believe that it is important that we learn to stop and give our time to the ones who really matter in our life and that’s you counted in it!

Make sure you keep weekends with nothing at all in the diary. Plan them ahead if necessary. Don’t fall into the trap of looking at the blank page and say “yes I am free, I can do it” instead take a big read pen and write down “weekend off” so if anyone ask if you are free, under no circumstances change the plan.

And one last thing prepare for it: do your shopping before hand, clean and tidy before the weekend starts and decline politely any invitation.

Then, enjoy the break, you deserve it!

The Blues of the Work At Home Mum

I haven’t been around much lately, haven’t I?

For the last couple of weeks I have been suffering from “the blues of the work at home mum”…

You know, overly (shall I say stupidly) busy, no one to turn to to brainstorm and share ideas with, so much going on in my head and in my laptop that it is impossible to even go to the loo without a notepad.

Then there is the frustration and the guilt because the children want to spend time with mummy without having to beg, and the impossibility to clear my mind enough to be totally “there” with them.

Any free minute turns into a working opportunity and whether it is morning, lunch time, weekend or late in the evening doesn’t make any difference.

“You want to do too much at once!” that’s what my mum said over and over again during the two weeks she stayed with us this month.

Do I want to do too much or have I got myself caught in a trap? One where suddenly the business is taking a new dimension and although I am extremely excited about it and proud of the work I’ve managed to accomplish in the last 3 years, I know that I am reaching a stage where other things have to suffer if I want to keep going.

It is a hard decision to make than the one to take a step back from the work. I don’t want to admit that maybe I have been biting much more than I can chew. And I know I can chew it all! I just need to review my whole life and put things into a new routine. For probably the first time in my life prioritising has never been as important as it is now and that’s what I have to do so this is why my blogging activity has decreased considerably…

I sometime wake up in the morning wondering how some of you are doing. I am feeling totally disconnected and I don’t like it. The thing is that I can’t find the time nor the energy to visit every blog and comment. It will come back though.

The one thing I keep thinking of is that someday soon I will have more free time on my hands. The boys are going to go to school for longer hours very soon and I will have more time to do my own things. So yes, I get stressed and frustrated at times but it is only a matter of a couple of years. When I look at it this way I can’t help thinking that I will badly miss what we are sharing now. Having all that time together will soon look like a precious treasure and I should keep focussing on that.

In a few years time I will probably find myself sitting at my desk on my own, while the boys are having a life away from home and from me, and I will probably remember with nostalgia my little blond boy sitting next to me with his toy laptop telling me: “Look maman, I am working!”.

Will it matter in the long run?

I was going to Vlog (video blog) about this today but after draining the Flip battery and my patience I have decided that it would be better to blog instead!

As a parent we always have days when we get overwhelmed and stressed about little things… Hands up who never had a good moan at the dog for coming back from the garden with muddy paws? It wouldn’t be such a problem if you didn’t have a million of other things to deal with!

Things like remembering to pick up the kids from school AND do the food shopping AND iron the school shirts as well as having time to wash your own hair! Top that up with stuff you need to sort out at work and the bank account that seeing red and which needs to be sorted.

OK did that make that sound stressful enough? I hope I didn’t make it sound too familiar, but unfortunately I think I have…

This is the one little thing I wanted to share with you. When it all becomes too much take some time to ask yourself this one question:

Will it matter in the long run? Will it affects my life in a negative way? Can it change the course of my life?

If the answer is no, then it is time for you to breathe and turn all this stress into positive energy that will help you deal effectively with what is bothering you. Let me explain. While you are stressed and flustered by the events you cannot deal with the problems the best way you can. Do you agree?

One way to relieve the stress is to

Accept that you CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!!

There are situations we can’t control and that we can’t change, we can ONLY change and control the way we react to it.

You are in charge of your own emotions and reactions, no one else is.

So remember:

1. Will it matter in the long run?
2. Can I change my reaction to a particular event into a more positive one?

And have fun practicing!

Peggy is a Coach for Mothers and runs Perfectly Happy, Coaching for Mums which helps and supports women to achieve their dreams.

Vlog: Mums, what is your idea of perfection?

What is Perfection? from Peggy Poyser on Vimeo.

Laugh it off!

We will all agree, there are days when we feel more like crying than laughing... Days when it feels you spent endless hours shouting expressing your discontentement at a toddler, days when we have changed far (far) too many pooey nappies... when we have put our fingers into poo far (FAAARRR) too many times! Days when we have changed our outfits a few times because of spillage of any sorts (I will spare you the details), and then give up.

That’s not all... Your toddler decided to throw a major tantrum in the supermarket and you could tell those people were thinking “Oh FOR GOD SAKE! Get security, this mother is obviously not in control!!!”...

When the day is over, you sit down and realise you have two options: cry or get drunk see the humour in the situation and laugh it off... the choice is yours!

So what are the benefits of having a sense of humour?

• It helps you connect with others. It unites people especially if you laugh together.
• It helps you see situations more positively.
• It helps managing stress.
• It helps replacing distressing feelings with more positive feelings.
• Humour increases energy.

If you want to start bringing laughter into your life, here are a few tips:

• Start with smiling – practice smiling every day wherever you are. Smile at others, smile at your own reflection in the mirror, smile even when you are on your own. Have you tried feeling depressed with a smile on your face? Not easy.
• Count your blessings – make a list to help you see the positive in your life. Once you are more positive, it becomes easier to laugh.
• Spend time with people who have a good sense of humour – humour and laughter are contagious, so the more you are around funny people the easier it is for you to see humour in your everyday life.
• Take yourself less seriously – laugh at yourself and at the moments you took yourself too seriously.
• Pay attention to children – they have a natural ability to laugh at everything.

And the same as with everything, too much of something kills it. Humour has got its limits so:

• Don’t laugh at others’ expenses - making humour at the expense of yourself is fine but undermining others using jokes can sometime be mean, even if you don’t mean to.
• Don’t use humour when someone is going through a crisis or a painful situation - respect their pain and laugh with them when/if they decide to make humour about their situation.
• Use humour everyone can share – using inside joke can single out some people and laughing all together has greater influence.
• Realise that humour is not good for every situation – there are times when you need to control your sense of humour for example if you are having a serious conversation with someone who needs your full attention. Laughing might give the wrong message, for example that you don’t care.

Are you finding it hard to see the humour in it? Try this exercise inspired from NLP (neuro linguistic programming) practice: 

At the end of a hard day or following an upsetting event tell the story to someone or to yourself BUT try and change the feelings associated with it. 

Imagine that you are dissossiated to the story: you are the author and you are writing the script of one of these funny movies based on events that could easily make you cry if they weren't told in a certain humoristic way. 

Do you know why they are funny? Because the author over emphasise when telling the story, because the actors have got funny voices or funny looks taking away the drama out of the context. 

Give it a try but don't beat yourself up if you can't. Sometime the humour in the situation is not obvious until a few days later and until the associated feelings, ie as long as you associate yourself to the event completely and you are not able to see it from the outside. 

If that exercise is too hard, then watch your favourite funny movie or stand up comedian anything that gives you THE proper belly laugh! 

Go on laugh like you just don't care! 

50 Ways to Get Your Life in Order from Litemind

The mind fascinates me. Really fascinates me! We are very complex, us human beings, yet most things can be achieved and healed with the right mindset. I love the idea that we have the power and the ability to be and do whatever we want to be and want to do. 

Along a few interesting blogs I came across so far, one stood out from the beginning for me. It is this one: Litemind. The author Luciano Passuelo says about the mission of his blog: "Explore ways to use our minds efficiently."

He has fascinating articles that I greatly encourage anyone interested on the subject to read. He says of himself "It was not long ago when I realized that my deep fascination for the mind is my greatest underlying passion and, in some way, intersects will many other interests of mine." and "I am no expert on the mind and don’t have all the answers – in fact, I may not have any. But I always try to maintain the mindset of curious exploration – and that is the driving force in creating and maintaining this website."   

His latest article is one that gives simple tips yet good to be reminded at times like the start of a new year. Have a read at the 50 Ways to get your life in order.